Secret of Love

Imagine a large circle
And in the center of it, rays of light spreads out to the circumference
The light in the center is God.
Each of us is a ray
The closer the rays are to the center
The closer are the rays to one another

The closer we live to god
The closer we are bound to one another
The further we are from god
The further we are from one another

The more each ray departs from its center
The weaker it becomes
And the closer it gets to the center
The stronger it becomes

The secret of love is for each man to live as close to god as s/he can
And he will thereby  live closer to his beloved
In Him(God), self love becomes perfected
In him also we love our neighbor as ourselves

(anonymous)

The emptiness of life...

EMPTY….

Forlorn and weary, he stared down. Sharp stinging pain welling in his eyes. The optical muscles no doubt had sworn to betray him today.  He tried hard to hold the tears back but two big tear drops eased themselves out of their rather tense environment. They found their course down his cheeks. Big warm salty things that left a trail on either side of his nose that had with time gotten runny. He sneezed involuntarily and a spray of fluids painted an awkward image on his shirt. Bitter feelings engulfed his whole person. Feelings of hate and distaste. Trembling, he opened the eyes he had momentarily shut to prevent a gush of tears. He looked down again tears flowing freely. No need to hold anything back even if it meant draining his tear glands dry. “Why? God, why should you allow this to happen” he asked loud.

Down she laid. Calm as ever and in the fullness of her gory. Tall, skin well toned, curvy and firm chested. Graceful arms, sharp nose, gleamy eyes that were, firm tacit thin lips that just the other day were having fun with his. Hers was a beautiful face that told of a story.

A painful lump built itself up Ryan’s throat. He spat and cursed at the unfairness of life.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you!! You are such a bad reaper!” he swore to his breath and broke down into a fist of sobs that culminated into wails. He wanted to cry himself hoarse.  He grabbed at the now lifeless body of Judith. He stared deep down in her surprisingly open eyes and saw so many possibilities. A dream shattered, a future spoilt, a beauty wasted, a mother denied a daughter and grandchildren, a loss of productive labor force for a nation so much in need, a loss of a friend, a loss of love, a loss of life. A tear cascaded down his chin and directly fell in Judith’s left eye. She slowly closed it as if she had been eagerly waiting for her last dose which in this case had to be administered through her eyes.

 “I loved you dear... I really loved you! So sad that you had to leave so early”

Ryan carefully laid her down on the very bed she had nursed and fought her ailments from. It smelled of olive oil and a mixture of gases identifiable with a medical laboratory. Looking at the shelf, he noticed an array of bottles full to the brim with capsules and tablets that the doctors in their knowledgeable opinion thought were supposed to bring life to his dream girl.

 He shook his head in disbelief and as if in mockery and defiance, a bandage roll came tumbling down from the shelves bringing with it a rather unfriendly syringe that landed between his feet missing her big toe by an inch. He wished it could have hit him hard if only for him to share in the pain that Judith had to endure in her daily jabs. He gave it a kick and it rolled under the bed. He reached for the curtains and drew them an inch as if in a desperate attempts to welcome the world to share in his sorrows. There was no morning sun. No singing birds. No nothing. He could not even see through the mist that engulfed the neighborhood. Cold misty wind blew in. He spotted an owl prying around the garbage heap. Disappointed, he drew back the curtains and noticed by the windowsill a bottle case full of multicolored pills. The labels on the sides shouted that they were sleeping pills. He emptied the contents in his palm and was at the verge of swallowing them all when the family cat jumped in from outside knocking his hand and sending the pills scattered on the floor. He cursed in disgust. With Judith gone, he felt life had lost meaning. He was better dead than alive.

It was Judith that had always brought forth fond memories. He felt nostalgic about almost every moment they spent together. The countless adventures they had in the woods, the tours they had made to children homes, the coffee dates, the boat rides. It is this friend who could keep him waiting for hours at the riverside just for a hug. They had thrown leaves and pebbles in the river and watched them float downstream, counted the ripples made by each pebble throw, kissed and listened to each other breath to while time. They could hold hands and watch the sun set in the horizon sending pale sometimes yellow soft rays that shone on their faces. Judith often seemed transfigured. Her coming home was a thing welcomed by all. Mum was particularly glad at her sense of maturity and gracefulness. The younger siblings adored her smile and big heart that manifested itself in the various gifts she brought home, the sisters rejoiced in her simplicity and talent to plait. Judith was part of them all, how lucky was Ryan?

But then the enemy came. Determined to cause him pain, the enemy hit hard at the death spot. At the very point that mattered. The enemy denied him joy cutting short his dreams. Who was the enemy punishing? Judith or Him? What had the poor soul done to deserve such cruelty?

“Mum, you’ve lost an in-law, sisters you’ve lost a friend, Kenya you’ve lost a nurse, Ryan you’ve lost a wife to be”, He sobbed. Amidst the pain and sobs, he reached for a bed sheet, covered the now lifeless body and made for the door.

“I have to inform mum, I have to inform Linda, and I have to inform the government that Judith is dead”

If only he knew any of her family, if only he knew her background, if only he knew her home, if only he had time to listen to her last wishes.

 He regretted deeply having overlooked all these. He only knew Judith as a Rwandan refugee who had sought custody in Kenya. They met at a UN function, had lunch, exchanged pleasantries and before they realized had gotten so tight and inseparable. Judith was in a Medical school pursuing a diploma in nursing on a sponsorship she declined to disclose. It never really mattered at the time for what they had was a joining of hearts. Ryan, four months after his completion of graduate school with a bachelors degree in commerce was volunteering at the UN as an accounts clerk.

Love and fate brought the two together, for the joy of them all at the beginning but for the loss and pain of one at the end. The transition so unexpected that Ryan, left to lick his wounds in solitude still asks: is there victory in death?

If Kenyan Men were to be Honest (part 2)

If many of the Kenyan men were to be honest to God, they probably would never ever date the average Kenyan woman. We all know how Njoki Chege has taken the country by storm, with all her male bashing and telling-it-as-it-is articles. The difference between Njoki and the rest of us: she is bold enough to write it. While am all for women getting standards higher than their heels, there is something completely off putting about us young modern Kenyan women. I am a young woman and yes I am part of this flawed generation of women. This girl-child-empowerment business has completely gone to our heads. What is exactly wrong with us women?

Our sense of entitlement; we are a generation of spoilt arrogant young women who have no idea what relationships and equality entail. Our grandmothers held demonstrations, protests and riots so that we may have gender equality or at least a sense of fairness in society between men and women. While we have been quick to embrace this equality business in the workplace, we are absolutely unwilling to embrace it in relationships. Many of us are very conceited and our vanity is the very thing that is pissing the Kenyan man off.

Many of us women are approaching relationships all wrong; always having this sense of self-importance in relationships. It starts on the very first date; I meet him with the mentality that my time is more important than his. The guy should understand that I am taking an hour or two off my ‘busy’ schedule to meet him. He should therefore make the date worth my time. What happens? You show up an hour later and don’t even apologize for being late. He should in fact be grateful you showed up at all. The pressure is now on the guy to impress you, right? He should be as smart as Newton, as funny as Chris Rock and as witty as whomever; meanwhile you are as interesting as a boiled potato. What have you brought to the table? Your beauty: shall the poor guy compare you to a summer’s day or an angel?

From the very start, the relationship with the average young modern Kenyan woman is doomed. For majority of the dates you will show up late, you will sulk for days when he replies your texts after thirty minutes or calls you back after two hours. You will place crazy demands on his time to the point it is next to impossible for him to have a life outside the relationship. You will become so insane to the point if he does not give you the attention you want you start to give stupid ultimatums like Jenny. (part 1)

We young modern women want financially stable men. Men should pay for all our dates and even compensate us fares to and from the date; never once should they ask us what we do with our money. What happened to being an independent woman? When am broke and cannot afford my rent he should chip in and pay my landlord on time but he should never ask me to loan him money when he’s having a rough patch. We women don’t want the hustle of helping him make it. We don’t want to start from scratch, helping him build his empire and splitting bills while he invests both our money. We want a self made millionaire who lives in Runda, has golf meetings on weekdays and can fly us to Zanzibar weekly.

We want responsible men who can take care of us. He should take care of you, when you drink yourself silly and pass out in the club. But should he drink himself silly, you will simply not take care of a grown-ass man who is unable to handle his drink. Who the hell does he think you are: his mother? You cannot be the designated driver ever because you are a woman and you deserve to have a good time and he should be responsible for your fun. It’s okay if you are a drama queen but a man full of drama is immature, right? You get angry when he refuses to take you to your favourite club for whatever reason, but you are unwilling to spend time with him in his local bar. Why? Because Steve Harvey got it into your head that you deserve to act as you please so that he can respect your standards and you can’t do his ‘cheap’ local joints. He has to do what you want to earn your love.

This sense of entitlement, superciliousness and pomposity is what is driving our men crazy. We women are testing our men’s patience and sanity. That is why fewer and fewer men are unwilling to date seriously before the age of thirty five. Who wants to commit to a person who feels entitled in life? Who wants a woman who feels her time is more important than yours? Who wants a companion who will not support you when the economy hits hard; who will instead punish you with dry spells or worse leave you? Who wants a companion who thinks her beauty entitles her to get away with anything including narcissism? Who wants a friend who cannot offer to be the designated driver once in a while?

Let us get real ladies. Men owe you nothing. The man you are dating is not your ticket to financial stability and the finer things in life. You want to be financially stable, work hard at what you do, save up, invest and while you are at it, invest his money too and build up your future business empire. In this day and age you still want to act like damsel in distress waiting for a man to save you? Woman please, Betty Friedan would be ashamed of you. You want the finer things in life: get plenty of money and stop spending your 50k salary buying designer shoes and clothes worth 20k monthly. Wait till you have plenty of money then you can reward yourself and look like a million bucks. He spends money to take you on dates, why not show him your appreciation and buy him one of those gadgets he’s been talking about all month. He gives you money for your hairdresser; buy him a nice tie or sweater or socks. It won’t kill you.

You cannot be the diva that shows up late on every date and get livid when the guy shows up thirty minutes late. He also needs time to look good and his time is just as important as yours. Apologize when you are late and make it up to him next time. You can’t demand he drops everything to see you or talk to you whenever you want, just because he’s busy at the moment don’t mean he loves you less. He does not have to see you every weekend either. He has a life outside the relationship you know.

The man you are dating is not your ticket to a good time. Spare him the phony sophistication and just keep it real. When a man offers to date you, it is not the time to ditch Tusker baridi and upgrade to Jack Daniels. If you want a man who can handle his drink, be the kind of woman who can handle her drink too. Otherwise be a sport and offer to be the designated driver once in a while and let him have a wild time too. Hang out at his local joint once in a while and have a Snapp. Being a drama queen makes you immature, pick your battles wisely.

It’s not the guy’s job to impress you, being pretty does not mean he has to worship the ground you walk on. You are not doing anyone favours by agreeing to go on a date with him. If anything it’s for your own good. You can’t have as much personality as a paper cup and insist that your date must be as interesting as Eddie Murphy. You can’t be dumb then ask for Einstein as a date. If you can’t hold the attention of your cat, what are the chances you will hold the attention of such interesting characters? Try reading books and work on being an exciting date so that you may equally challenge him and impress him; bring something more than good looks to the table.

Life is hard enough, relationships don’t have to be harder. Men do not need our arrogance. Men don’t owe us financial stability, a good time, fun, emotional fixing or whatever other vanity we think we are entitled to. The man you are dating owes you love, loyalty and respect.  There is a thin line between having principles and smugness.

My Vision: why I Will NOT Write My Future Dreams

My life has been a voyage of discovery.  It has not been an aimless carrying on from a pillar to post, but one controlled by something.  I have been a child of fate.  Mother fate has given me better outcomes; things, events and experiences I never dreamt of but just what I needed most.  It has not been a roller coaster all the time but it has been a normal footpath where my footsteps have already been foreordained where to step as i walk therein.  The terrain has been hills and valleys, sometimes straight and sometimes long loops turns and twists.  Frustrations, jubilation, mourning, celebrations, weeping and ululations have been common destinations and turns on this walk.  

I am a firm believer in God and His will in my life.  It was Him who so long before the foundation of this world who thought of me.  Just a simple attribute in his backside of His mind he willed for me.  He saw it fit I be His son to express and manifest Himself through me.  In addition, I thank him daily to have seen it fit for me to be a man and not a waterfall, a fish or a flying crow-for his will is sovereign.  In addition, on the sixth day, (Genesis 1) God spoke me into existence but then I was just a theophany representation in his own likeness and image.  However, I had to wait for around 6000years to be manifested in a human body form in this last age golden and glorious of all ages

I am not an occurrence of probability or chance as science and evolution would wish me believe.  I am a perfect craftsmanship of the master’s hands, specifically designed and placed in this place for a divine will and purpose.  In there was my sole purpose for me to come to this world packaged and I was programmed with specific qualities and attributes necessary for me to be the most suited person for my work.  Moreover, in there was a full package too for me to be what I ought to be.

A motor vehicle as a full package has windows, windshield, sterling wheels, rims, tires, tubes, engine, wipers, etc.  Each part has a specific role to accomplish for a smooth journey of the vehicle from point A to B and transport people or goods.  Similarly, each one of us as a complete package for nurturing and enabling us to accomplish our foreordained goals.

My work for me to accomplish was defined.  The specific things for me to do were established.  Just as Moses was to deliver the Israelites from Egypt to Canaan and Apostle Paul was given the commission to bring the good news to gentiles, I too was given a chore in this kingdom.  All of us have a scriptural part to play.  We might not all be prophets and apostles but we have our ordained roles to act.  Some might be housewives, some mechanics, some CEOs and whatever the Lord has given us

 I was given my better half too then.  She is the person to complete me and she is my mystery revealed.  She is the person who is my number one fan in my life.  The very one to help me accomplish my work, my companion and helper too, If in Adam there was an Eve so in me is my wife.  We all have eternal mates, but we must pray and search and for them.  However, it is open since a man is given a free will to choose.  You can find one instead of waiting upon the lord.  You will find one yes, but you will be living in hell while still here on earth.  Ladies outside there, we are to be sought after and not us tirelessly searching.

In the package too my God placed where I ought to be and gave the people I ought to be meet.  In here was my area of residence and community the parents and family.  I would never have been born a white man nor is it a mistake that I live in the beloved country Kenya.  If I was in the wrong place, I would be very miserable and pathetic man.  My culture and community I was placed in is the best for me.  It is the only one i can be able to triumph over since we all have to overcome our tribal spirits and fully surrender to the Holy Spirit.  We are all equal and no single tribe is better than any other is.

On and on we can look at the home church, the foreordained pastor/shepherd, area of residence, career etc. all are prepared and we are to walk in them.  Failures to which we will still live successfully and prosper under the God’s permissive will and have to pay the price.  This way we will be paralyzing Gods program for our divine purpose.  However, God will, and does allow it (permissive will) for His glory and honor

Predestination is like prison.  You can only succeed when you walk as it was preordained by Gods foreknowledge.  Predestination comes from the English names pre and destination. Pre means before whereas destiny in simplest terms means the end point.  A man can only succeed where he was planned  we gain this Gods perfect will by getting ourselves out of the way and letting His Holy Spirit to reveal himself to us and follow his Divine counsel and guidance.

Therefore, I will not write down a long wish list of attributes that my wife should have, or the climatic conditions that my place of residence should have nor the kind of funny things I wish to accomplish lest I be found out of Gods will.  Instead I will apply the kneeology (study of kneeling down to pray) to get my vision through revelation of the word of promise in this last age.  In this vision is my wife, my dream house, my place of residence, my home church, my career, my dream car, number of children etc.

 Again, I am not writing my plans but I am praying, studying and watching!  I always have had the free moral agency, BUT I will comfortably allow myself to follow this special love for my future.  It will be more fun and adventurous than just limiting myself to narrow down to shallow documented dreams

Campus Life- Cheers.

Campus life will be over in slightly less than 5 months, and one word for it, just awesome!! i have learnt a lot of things along the way, like preparing delicious meal while on a budget, reading for a cat the day before and somehow passing, i have learnt what it really means to be broke, and one of your relatives decides to surprise you with an M-pesa. for me the best part about campus  has been the friends i have made, they just complete me and make my days in campus worhwhile. they know me inside out, have seen the good, bad and ugly sides to me and i can only hope and pray that we will remain friends for life. to all my friends, cheers!!
i will certainly miss campus, and its a stage of my life that has enabled me to love, grow and learn...

If Kenyan men were to be honest (part 1)

If many of the Kenyan men were to be honest to God, they probably would never date the average Kenyan woman. I will tell you a story of a good friend of mine and his then girlfriend back in 2008. Let us call this guy, Mark and his girlfriend Jenny. So Jenny comes over to Mark’s place on a Saturday afternoon unannounced to surprise him. She has not called Mark to inform him she’s coming over. Mark is busy studying in his room for his pathology test on Monday. He hears a knock on his door and thinks it his study buddies coming over for a major cramming session so that can ace this test. He opens the door and alas! There is Jenny in all her beauty.

“Hey Jenny, what you doing here?” asks Mark surprise written all over his face.

“Am here to see you, I’ve missed you so much.” Jenny replies hugging him. She walks into the room scans around and notices all the books on the table and floor. “What have you been doing? This place is such a mess.”

“I’ve been studying. I have pathology on Monday.”

“Oh, I had no idea. Anyway, I’ve come with pizza and soda, thought we could do a movie or something.”

“I am so sorry; I really don’t have time for that right now. My friends are coming over at four we go through some questions so I have to only two hours to get all this content. You can make yourself at home though and you can use the laptop to watch the movie.”

Jenny picks the laptop from him and he buries his nose into his books. After a few minutes of silence, she speaks up again. “Yaani you Mark you never have time for me.” Mark stares at her quizzically. She continues, “I have come all the way from USIU to see you, and you can’t even sacrifice two hours to watch a movie with me; and this is not the first time.” Now tears are streaming from her eyes.

Mark is now completely baffled. Where is this coming from? Has he not sacrificed study groups for this girl to watch movies with her? Has he not spent hours and hours texting and calling her until late in the night just to talk about nothing and help her deal with her issues when he knows he has clinical ward rounds with that arrogant consultant from hell at 8 a.m. who likes to ask difficult questions and embarrass you in front of patients and your classmates when you get it wrong? What about the time he spent taking her on numerous dates and footing the bills on his little pocket money just so that she can have a good time and cheer her up when she is low? Sure, he has not always had time for her; but med school isn’t international relations at USIU.

“Mark, are you going to say something or you prefer to keep quiet and admit am saying the truth?” she asked amidst sobs. Now men are not the best creatures at handling a crying woman so he keeps quiet and lets her finish crying. After what seemed like eternity, she finally stopped sobbing.

He cleared his throat and spoke up. “Well Jenny, the only times I have not had time for you is when you come over without calling first. I have always told you to call first.” (Ha ha, I know, wrong answer. Men, they can be so thick sometimes.)

“Mark I’m your girlfriend, I should be able to see you when I want!” she says angrily. “I am tired of being taken for granted. You never have time for me. If a man loves you he will always have time for you.” Mark just keeps quiet. This is total ambush. He loves her. He is always there for her. He has sacrificed a lot of time to be with her. Never has she once footed a bill whenever they went out mark you they are both students and she even comes from a richer family compared to him. Her dad is a diplomat and he relies on HELB and his elder brother to get by. All the times he ate Ugali na Sukuma wiki in the mess just so that she can buy her a gift and those expensive chocolates she really loves to show her how much he appreciates her. How many times has she come over to his hostel and he has paid for everything from lunch to supper to breakfast and even her fare back to USIU? She can’t even offer to pay for her fare to UoN, he always compensates her if she spends her money or sends her money in advance for her to come over. How can she claim he is taking her for granted? She speaks up again. “Mark I’m tired of not being a priority so I’m giving you a choice right now; it’s either me or your books.”

“Jenny, I really don’t have time for this right now I have to study for pathology. Can we talk about this later?”

“Forget it Mark, I have seen your choice. I’m done with this shit.” She walked out banging the door to his hostel. Mark is still shocked. He can’t believe what has happened. He keeps reading assuming this is just her in a bad mood.

A few minutes later his friend Drew knocks and walks into his room. “Heee Mark, leo kumestink! Anyway iza, she will come around. For now tumechelewa discussion, twende kwa kina Steve tudiscuss pathology.”

On Monday evening at around 9 p.m. Mark calls Jenny. She is not picking up her phone. He texts her and calls her several times and no response. Concerned he logs onto Facebook to check if she is online. Jenny has blocked him. She really meant business. After three weeks of waiting for her to come round, he realizes she is not coming back. She really has walked away. After all he did for her. She has thrown away a year just like that. Mark graduated from med school, and right now all the women automatically smile and light up whenever they hear he’s a doctor even though they had ignored him initially before he said he’s one. He’s never ever spoken to Jenny again since. According to Mark just being a doctor is enough to make a woman have interest in him. Now I won’t say who was right or wrong. You be the judge. I will tell you the moral of this story later.

LOVE

I love you; those are words I hear a lot. Parents to children, children to their parents, friends, siblings, dating and married couples all use it. We go further and use it for food, movie stars, musicians, experiences and places. We also say we love God. We love all these. What exactly do we mean by that?

In my opinion this has to be one of the most fruitless inquiries in the history of mankind. There is no one definition of what love is. It has been my experience that when people say they love someone or something, they mean it in very different ways and that most of those have an element of selfish behind them. I may be wrong but then again I think not.

Just listen to one of those wedding shows at the section where the couple describes how they first met and what they like most in each other. Usually it involves what one can get from the other, not really about the individual for themselves. Even we love God because he has been good to us, because he has given us and all that. This in my opinion explains many cases of divorces and backsliding. When our expectations are disappointed then ‘love’ vanishes into thin air. The idea of love these days is someone or something that satisfies our own self most.

But then again, is it wrong to be selfish? Not entirely. We as humans need others to survive. Any meaningful relationship between humans will have to be a give and take. This will work as long as each party does their part. To be happy and fulfilled we need others. To be loved we must also dare to love. We must be willing to give ourselves, to trust and to be vulnerable. It is when we are not able and willing to give ourselves that ‘love’ becomes selfish. It is when we want to enjoy others without paying the cost that in my opinion leads to people concluding that Love is a myth.

If an artist I love is coming to town and I want to see them, I must be willing to pay the fare and entry fees to go see them. I must be ready to pay for an event or experience I ‘love’, if not I should question myself on whether I really love them as I claim. If I want to live a good life I know I must work hard to get it. What then makes me think I can enjoy a person without paying the full cost?

To not be labeled an idealist, I realize and acknowledge that loving a person is not as simple as a favourite concert or pizza. However, the rationale is the same. To enjoy someone we must be willing to pay the price which is also being ready for them to enjoy us. If we are not ready then, we do not love them, we are being selfish and we should respect them enough to let them go.

To further illustrate my thinking, here are a couple of questions. What would we do if our spouses were incapacitated, could not have kids, lost their job, lost their good looks or were not so interesting anymore? What would we do if God had us go through what Job or Joseph went through? What if we became more successful than our friends and we do not need them anymore? What if our siblings betray us?

The most natural response is to run, to quit. But Love demands we stay. If we really love, we have to say and fight. Once love has been tested and passed through fire, the end result is the most fulfilling thing in the world.

But finally, I do not have a single definition for love. Whatever the relationship or connection, if it is mutual, sincere and ready to stand the tests, then its headed in the direction.

Real love is tested love. That is my verdict!!

My high School reverend

Bishop Dr Prophet Pastor Victor Kanyari. Well what a mouthful. Well I don’t know who decided that people should award themselves titles just because they can. People work hard to earn titles especially that doctor title. Medical school is no joke and getting a PhD is not a walk in the park either. So “Dr. Kanyari “ please show some respect before declaring how you can just award yourself a title because that is what people do. I don’t know who these people are.

While every other Kenyan is mad at this pastor we are missing the whole point here. What this pastor did is a trend in churches. How many pastors in Kenya have undeserved titles? Even in your local church I can bet your pastor has some fancy title like doctor, Nabii or Kuhani. It’s a way to get respect and trust from the flock. When I hear my pastor is Pastor Rev. Dr. Odero. I am more likely to believe he is credible than if he was just Pastor Odero. Its psychology, we tend to trust people who are learned. Explains why we trust doctors (pun intended) and many pastors have these Daktari title. What is wrong with this picture? This is the first step to hoodwink the flock. This does not mean every pastor with a fancy title is a liar. There are those who genuinely have a PhD or are medics and therefore were awarded those titles by credible institutions all around the world. Those who decide to give themselves these titles should be flogged for not showing respect to the individuals who worked hard to get this Dr.title.

Pastor Kanyari really emphasized the Malachi 3:10 verse. “Toa sadaka ya 310 na uone kama hutabarikiwa.” Well this is also nothing new in our Kenyan churches especially. How many times has your pastor read that verse and spent two hours preaching on that verse alone? I do not know how a single verse can be turned in a two hour sermon but somehow our pastors do it. After the sermon we are all ‘touched’ to tithe. If you ask me, it is pure blackmail. You are on a tight budget then suddenly because your pastor gave a two hour sermon on 10% you decide to remove a certain amount on that particular Sunday when it was not part of your plans for the month. Then you spend the rest of the month struggling to get through, meanwhile your pastor takes a trip to Egypt with his wife and children all thanks to your ‘tithes’.

 I remember when we were in high school, our dear Reverend decided to read this particular verse and went ahead to tell us that we should consider giving 10% of our pocket money as tithe. It is also good to note, Malachi is in the Old Testament. Of all the verses in the O.T. why do pastors especially emphasize this verse? Why not emphasize any of the other verses in the Old Testament? Why this one that has to do with money and percentages? While we are on this issue of tithing where in the New Testament is a verse on tithe? I will admit, I am not very familiar with my Bible but as far as my knowledge goes I do not know of any verse in the New Testament that talks about tithe. Now do not get me wrong, I have nothing against giving a tenth of your income; but if you decide to tithe, do it from the heart. Do not do it under compulsion or a sense of duty. God loves a cheerful giver.

I absolutely refused to contribute 10% of my pocket money as tithe. The last time I checked pocket money is a small amount of money for day-to-day spending, incidental expenses, etc while income is money received, especially on a regular basis, for work or through investments. I do not know in which universe my weekly allowance for expenses is counted as regular money from work or investments. Dear high school Reverend POCKET MONEY is not INCOME.

I was and still am a firm believer of fides et ratio. This means faith and reason. I believe if something is not logical then it must be a lie. That was the sole reason why no pastor would convince me that pocket money and income is one and the same thing. Faith and reason are essential together. Faith without reason leads to superstition. On the other hand reason without faith leads to nihilism and relativism. It is because of my belief that I believe in evolution, aliens, heaven, hell, the resurrection of Jesus and many other things that would make Christians raise their eyebrows. So I will not get into all that for now. Now on this issue of miracles, it is actually quite impossible to be convinced of many of the modern day miracles and revelations. Personally, any revelation or miracle must be backed by logic. Yes, you were healed of cancer, how come none of your relatives knew you had cancer. If I found out I had cancer today, I would first of all call my mum or sister. Oh, you say there are needles in my body? Why is it I have not experienced any pain? You claim someone bewitched me? Why is it I have been feeling just fine? If it is not logical then you are definitely lying to me.

What pastor Kanyari did is not new. A lot of pastors in our local churches do the same exact thing with just more finesse. Why is it that we are asked to raise money every other Sunday because inafaa tujengee pastor nyumba sababu mchungaji hawezi kuishi kwa nyumba ya one bed room? Why is it that our pastors will spend over thirty minutes telling us how God has blessed them with material things and personal success because he is a man of God? Why do they emphasize the M-pesa number and not the sermon? What’s with the two hour testimonies in church then immediately after tunatoa sadaka? Why does Brother Zephaniah start an entirely new church just because he got a private revelation from God? Why move from Church A to Church B just because Pastor Zephaniah gets private revelations from God? What answers are these we are looking for? What do we think we will get from Pastor Zephaniah’s church that is not in Pastor Obadiah’s Church?