If Kenyan Men were to be Honest (part 2)

If many of the Kenyan men were to be honest to God, they probably would never ever date the average Kenyan woman. We all know how Njoki Chege has taken the country by storm, with all her male bashing and telling-it-as-it-is articles. The difference between Njoki and the rest of us: she is bold enough to write it. While am all for women getting standards higher than their heels, there is something completely off putting about us young modern Kenyan women. I am a young woman and yes I am part of this flawed generation of women. This girl-child-empowerment business has completely gone to our heads. What is exactly wrong with us women?

Our sense of entitlement; we are a generation of spoilt arrogant young women who have no idea what relationships and equality entail. Our grandmothers held demonstrations, protests and riots so that we may have gender equality or at least a sense of fairness in society between men and women. While we have been quick to embrace this equality business in the workplace, we are absolutely unwilling to embrace it in relationships. Many of us are very conceited and our vanity is the very thing that is pissing the Kenyan man off.

Many of us women are approaching relationships all wrong; always having this sense of self-importance in relationships. It starts on the very first date; I meet him with the mentality that my time is more important than his. The guy should understand that I am taking an hour or two off my ‘busy’ schedule to meet him. He should therefore make the date worth my time. What happens? You show up an hour later and don’t even apologize for being late. He should in fact be grateful you showed up at all. The pressure is now on the guy to impress you, right? He should be as smart as Newton, as funny as Chris Rock and as witty as whomever; meanwhile you are as interesting as a boiled potato. What have you brought to the table? Your beauty: shall the poor guy compare you to a summer’s day or an angel?

From the very start, the relationship with the average young modern Kenyan woman is doomed. For majority of the dates you will show up late, you will sulk for days when he replies your texts after thirty minutes or calls you back after two hours. You will place crazy demands on his time to the point it is next to impossible for him to have a life outside the relationship. You will become so insane to the point if he does not give you the attention you want you start to give stupid ultimatums like Jenny. (part 1)

We young modern women want financially stable men. Men should pay for all our dates and even compensate us fares to and from the date; never once should they ask us what we do with our money. What happened to being an independent woman? When am broke and cannot afford my rent he should chip in and pay my landlord on time but he should never ask me to loan him money when he’s having a rough patch. We women don’t want the hustle of helping him make it. We don’t want to start from scratch, helping him build his empire and splitting bills while he invests both our money. We want a self made millionaire who lives in Runda, has golf meetings on weekdays and can fly us to Zanzibar weekly.

We want responsible men who can take care of us. He should take care of you, when you drink yourself silly and pass out in the club. But should he drink himself silly, you will simply not take care of a grown-ass man who is unable to handle his drink. Who the hell does he think you are: his mother? You cannot be the designated driver ever because you are a woman and you deserve to have a good time and he should be responsible for your fun. It’s okay if you are a drama queen but a man full of drama is immature, right? You get angry when he refuses to take you to your favourite club for whatever reason, but you are unwilling to spend time with him in his local bar. Why? Because Steve Harvey got it into your head that you deserve to act as you please so that he can respect your standards and you can’t do his ‘cheap’ local joints. He has to do what you want to earn your love.

This sense of entitlement, superciliousness and pomposity is what is driving our men crazy. We women are testing our men’s patience and sanity. That is why fewer and fewer men are unwilling to date seriously before the age of thirty five. Who wants to commit to a person who feels entitled in life? Who wants a woman who feels her time is more important than yours? Who wants a companion who will not support you when the economy hits hard; who will instead punish you with dry spells or worse leave you? Who wants a companion who thinks her beauty entitles her to get away with anything including narcissism? Who wants a friend who cannot offer to be the designated driver once in a while?

Let us get real ladies. Men owe you nothing. The man you are dating is not your ticket to financial stability and the finer things in life. You want to be financially stable, work hard at what you do, save up, invest and while you are at it, invest his money too and build up your future business empire. In this day and age you still want to act like damsel in distress waiting for a man to save you? Woman please, Betty Friedan would be ashamed of you. You want the finer things in life: get plenty of money and stop spending your 50k salary buying designer shoes and clothes worth 20k monthly. Wait till you have plenty of money then you can reward yourself and look like a million bucks. He spends money to take you on dates, why not show him your appreciation and buy him one of those gadgets he’s been talking about all month. He gives you money for your hairdresser; buy him a nice tie or sweater or socks. It won’t kill you.

You cannot be the diva that shows up late on every date and get livid when the guy shows up thirty minutes late. He also needs time to look good and his time is just as important as yours. Apologize when you are late and make it up to him next time. You can’t demand he drops everything to see you or talk to you whenever you want, just because he’s busy at the moment don’t mean he loves you less. He does not have to see you every weekend either. He has a life outside the relationship you know.

The man you are dating is not your ticket to a good time. Spare him the phony sophistication and just keep it real. When a man offers to date you, it is not the time to ditch Tusker baridi and upgrade to Jack Daniels. If you want a man who can handle his drink, be the kind of woman who can handle her drink too. Otherwise be a sport and offer to be the designated driver once in a while and let him have a wild time too. Hang out at his local joint once in a while and have a Snapp. Being a drama queen makes you immature, pick your battles wisely.

It’s not the guy’s job to impress you, being pretty does not mean he has to worship the ground you walk on. You are not doing anyone favours by agreeing to go on a date with him. If anything it’s for your own good. You can’t have as much personality as a paper cup and insist that your date must be as interesting as Eddie Murphy. You can’t be dumb then ask for Einstein as a date. If you can’t hold the attention of your cat, what are the chances you will hold the attention of such interesting characters? Try reading books and work on being an exciting date so that you may equally challenge him and impress him; bring something more than good looks to the table.

Life is hard enough, relationships don’t have to be harder. Men do not need our arrogance. Men don’t owe us financial stability, a good time, fun, emotional fixing or whatever other vanity we think we are entitled to. The man you are dating owes you love, loyalty and respect.  There is a thin line between having principles and smugness.